Lies, damn lies and sadistics: Bangkok

So here we are, four months of the proposed seven into our trip, having visited four countries, taken eight flights and slept in forty-six different beds.

In the process of all this, I have somehow made fifty-four blog posts (including this one) which are currently subscribed to by thirty-seven followers and have received an encouraging 2,980 views despite the poor punctuation, inconsistent grammar and my pthetically (sic) lazy editing .

Thanks to everyone for tolerating this guff, and don’t forget it is easy to subscribe in order get new blog entries sent to you by email to save searching via facebookor twitter.

gadaffi dead picture, man with his head blown off

Our route so far. Planes, trains and autobuses.

Just click on the “Sign me up!” button in the right hand column and Bob will hopefully be your Aunt’s husband.

It’s amazing the information you can gain from statistical analysis, and anyone who has written a blog or owned a website will tell you that the metrics of these visits are broken down into ever finer detail, providing insightful hints as to who your readership-base is and where they are from.

The metrics are anonymous, but it is possible to see which countries provide the most viewers, which websites provide the most referrals, and rather interestingly, which search engine terms are being directed to my blog.

Most of the referred terms make sense to me; this week for instance, I received visits from people searching for information about “asian long neck tribe”, “pulau langkawi chalet”, “tioman island”, and “wat thaton” to name but a few.

Here is where it gets interesting though, and here is where I am also prompted to undertake a social experiment which may eventually boost my page views via the use of rather dubious means.

You see, some of the terms directed to “From Sketty to Sweaty” include:

woman killing insects, princess sera cum, naked boy, sheep throwing from tower, foot worship, hose lips chewing hay, gymnastic camel toe, introduce in penis, hot malaysian girls, sheep in deck chair, where’s wally, orángután sex, konfession : muslim thailand single

The searches are broad. Some are amusing, some plain weird. Many involve sex.

The metrics don’t drill down this far, but I’m just hoping these searches are not from the same person or else there’s a sheep bothering, hay chewing, paedophilic muslim foot fetishist out there who also possesses an unhealthy interest in simian copulation.

My all-time personal favourite search appeared over the past few days when for an unknown reason some depraved soul was guided to me whilst seeking “asian knockout cums all over her dildo”.

Now, I don’t recall specifically writing about an Asian cumming all over her dildo, knockout or no knockout.

I have however used the unconnected terms asian, cum, dildo and knockout in various entries of my blog.

I therefore deduce that Google’s algorithm amalgamates all my entries and then returns the entire blog as a best-fit suggestion.

So this got me thinking…

What if I place random double entendres throughout my blog, referring for example, to a few days back when I paid 17 Baht for a fruit lollipop and enjoyed watching my wife as she sucked it?

Or I could mention Sukhothai when whilst cycling, instead of holding on to the seat of the bike, “The Boy” gripped the bell end very tightly as he clung on to the handlebars for dear life.

I could even go as far back as Borneo when my wife saw a turtles head showing in the dawn light of a tropical morning.

What if I stop referencing Swansea City and the game of football that is usually played by young men with big balls, and instead write about tennis, a game that is played by both men and ladies with hairy balls?

Indeed, in a few days time we will hopefully visit the temples of Angkor Wat where the huge erections of the ancient Khmer’s are meant to be very impressive indeed.

The outlook is also highly promising for our visit to Vietnam when I might very well get filthy when I probe some deep brown holes dug by the viet cong during the war.

You see where this is going?

Base, but probably very effective.

I’ll let you know soon enough…..


About misterkelvin

I searched, I failed. And then I accidentally found one in Ubud.
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